Watcha Talkin About Muhammad?!

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE?

1. The Prophet said, "A good dream is from Allah, and a bad or evil dream is from Satan; so if anyone of you has a bad dream of which he gets afraid, he should SPIT on his left side and should seek Refuge with Allah from its evil, for then it will not harm him."

{I hope Aisha wasn’t on the left side!}

Sahih Bukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 513: Narrated Abu Qatada:

2. Allah's Apostle said, "If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning."

Sahih Bukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 460: Narrated Abu Huraira:

3. The Prophet said "If a house fly falls in the drink of anyone of you, he should dip it (in the drink), for one of its wings has a disease and the other has the cure for the disease."

Sahih Bukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 537: Narrated Abu Huraira:

{And which wing was that Muhammad?}

4. Allah's Apostle said, "The (Hell) Fire complained to its Lord saying, 'O my Lord! My different parts eat up each other.' So, He allowed it to take two breaths, one in the winter and the other in summer, and this is the reason for the severe heat and the bitter cold you find (in weather)."

Sahih Bukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 482: Narrated Abu Huraira:

{Gotta love Islamic Science! Why was Allah listening to hell in the first place?}

5. 67.5 And We have, (from of old), adorned the lowest heavens with Lamps(Stars), and We have made such Lamps(STARS) as Missles to drive away Satans, and we have prepared for them the Chastisement of Blazing Fire.

{Sounds more like a video game!}

6. The Prophet said, "If anyone of you rouses from sleep and performs the ablution, he should wash his nose by putting water in it and then blowing it out thrice, because Satan has stayed in the upper part of his nose all the night." Sahih Bukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 516: Narrated Abu Huraira:

{Who actually believes that?!}

7. The Prophet said, "When you hear the crowing of cocks, ask for Allah's Blessings for (their crowing indicates that) they have seen an angel. And when you hear the braying of donkeys, seek Refuge with Allah from Satan for (their braying indicates) that they have seen a Satan."

{I don’t think so!}

Sahih Bukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 522: Narrated Abu Huraira:

8. Allah's Apostle said, "When the Adhan is pronounced Satan takes to his heels and passes wind with noise during his flight in order not to hear the Adhan. When the Adhan is completed he comes back and again takes to his heels when the Iqama is pronounced and after its completion he returns again till he whispers into the heart of the person (to divert his attention from his prayer) and makes him remember things which he does not recall to his mind before the prayer and that causes him to forget how much he has prayed. Sahih Bukhari Volume 1, Book 11, Number 582: Narrated Abu Huraira:

{Satan runs around farting….LOL!}

9. Abu Huraira reported that he heard Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: Nigella seed is a remedy for every disease except death. This hadith has been narrated through another chain of transmitters but with a slight variation of wording. Sahih Muslim Book 026, Number 5489:

{Every DISEASE Dr. Muhammad!?}

10. Um Salama said, "Um Salaim said, 'O Allah's Apostle! Allah does not refrain from saying the truth! Is it obligatory for a woman to take a bath after she gets nocturnal discharge?' He said, 'Yes, if she notices the water (i.e. discharge).' Um Salama smiled and said, 'Does a woman get discharge?' Allah's Apostle said. 'Then why does a child resemble (its mother)?"

{WOW, advances in Islamic Genetics}

Sahih Bukhari Volume 4, Book 55, Number 545: Narrated Abu Salama:

 11. Allah's Apostle said, "When the (upper) edge of the sun appears (in the morning), don't perform a prayer till the sun appears in full, and when the lower edge of the sun sets, don't perform a prayer till it sets completely. And you should not seek to pray at sunrise or sunset for the sun rises between two sides of the head of the devil (or Satan)."

{Riiight, that makes sense. Must be one of those Islamic miracles}

Sahih Bukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 494: Narrated Ibn Umar:

12. Abdullah b. Mas'ud reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: There is none amongst you with whom is not an attached from amongst the jinn. They (the Companions) said: Allah's Messenger, with you too? Thereupon he said: Yes, but Allah helps me against him and so I am safe from his hand and he does not command me but for good. Sahih Muslim Book 039, Number 6757:

{Why does a Jinn command Muhammad? Something is not right!}

13. "The Prophet said, "Last night a big demon (afreet) from the Jinns came to me and wanted to interrupt my prayers (or said something similar) but Allah enabled me to overpower him. I wanted to fasten him to one of the pillars of the mosque so that all of you could See him in the morning but I remembered the statement of my brother Solomon (as stated in Quran): My Lord! Forgive me and bestow on me a kingdom such as shall not belong to anybody after me (38.35)." The sub narrator Rauh said, "He (the demon) was dismissed humiliated."

{How convenient, you were going to show everyone, but then didn’t}

Sahih Bukhari Volume 1, Book 8, Number 450: Narrated Abu Huraira:

14. It was mentioned before the Prophet that there was a man who slept the night till morning (after sunrise). The Prophet said, "He is a man in whose ears (or ear) Satan had urinated."

{No comment}

Sahih Bukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 492: Narrated 'Abdullah:

15. The Prophet said, "Angels do not enter a house which has either a dog or a picture in it."

{That’s just stupid!}

Sahih Bukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 539: Narrated Abu Talha:

16. Ibn 'Abbas reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The influence of an evil eye is a fact; if anything would precede the destiny it would be the influence of an evil eye, and when you are asked to take bath (as a cure) from the influence of an evil eye, you should take bath.

{A bath? Now that’s one dirty look!!}

Sahih Muslim Book 026, Number 5427:

17. Umm Salama, the wife of Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him), reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said to a small girl in the house of Umm Salama that he had been seeing on her face black stains and told her that that was due to the infiluence of an evil eye, and he asked that she should be cured with the help of incantation (hoping) that her face should become spotles.

{She probably had Hyper-Pigmentation which is common among black people}

Sahih Muslim Book 026, Number 5450:

18. The Prophet said, "Yawning is from Satan and if anyone of you yawns, he should check his yawning as much as possible, for if anyone of you (during the act of yawning) should say: 'Ha', Satan will laugh at him." Sahih Bukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 509: Narrated Abu Huraira:

{Satan laughed every time Muhammad opened his mouth!}

19. The Prophet said, "When any human being is born. Satan touches him at both sides of the body with his two fingers, except Jesus, the son of Mary, whom Satan tried to touch but failed, for he touched the placenta-cover instead."

{According to this, guess who was touched?!}

Sahih Bukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 506: Narrated Abu Huraira:

20. Abu Dharr reported: The Messenger of 'Allah (may peace be upon him) said: When any one of you stands for prayer and there is a thing before him equal to the back of the saddle that covers him and in case there is not before him (a thing) equal to the back of the saddle, his prayer would be cut off by (passing of an) ass, woman, and black Dog. I said: O Abu Dharr, what feature is there in a black dog which distinguish it from the red dog and the yellow dog? He said: O, son of my brother, I asked the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) as you are asking me, and he said: The black dog is a devil.

{So, a devil dog, a donkey and a woman voids a prayer….I see}

Sahih Muslim Book 004, Number 1032:

21. The Prophet said, "Allah loves sneezing but dislikes yawning; so if anyone of you sneezes and then praises Allah, every Muslim who hears him (praising Allah) has to say Tashmit to him. But as regards yawning, it is from Satan, so if one of you yawns, he should try his best to stop it, for when anyone of you yawns, Satan laughs at him."

{Allah must love those with Allergies!}

Sahih Bukhari Volume 8, Book 73, Number 245: Narrated Abu Huraira:

22. Once Allah's Apostle went out to the Musalla (to offer the prayer) o 'Id-al-Adha or Al-Fitr prayer. Then he passed by the women and said, "O women! Give alms, as I have seen that the MAJORITY of the dwellers of Hell-fire were you (WOMEN)." They asked, "Why is it so, O Allah's Apostle ?" He replied, "You CURSE FREQUENTLY and are UNGRATEFUL TO YOUR HUSBANDS. I have not seen anyone more deficient in intelligence and religion than you. A cautious sensible man could be led astray by some of you." The women asked, "O Allah's Apostle! What is deficient in our intelligence and religion?" He said, "Is not the evidence of two women equal to the witness of one man?" They replied in the affirmative. He said, "This is the DEFICIENCY in her INTELLIGENCE. Isn't it true that a woman can neither pray nor fast during her menses?" The women replied in the affirmative. He said, "This is the DEFICIENCY in her RELIGION." Sahih Bukahari Volume 1, Book 6, Number 301 Narrated Abu Said Al-Khudri:

{Oh yeah, Islam respects women}

23. Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: Angels do not accompany the travellers who have with them a dog and a bell

Sahih Muslim Book 024, Number 5277:

24. Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The bell is the musical instrument of the Satan.

Sahih Muslim Book 024, Number 5279:

25. (the mother of the faithful believers) Al-Harith bin Hisham asked Allah's Apostle "O Allah's Apostle! How is the Divine Inspiration revealed to you?" Allah's Apostle replied, "Sometimes it is (revealed) like the ringing of a bell, this form of Inspiration is the hardest of all and then this state passes ' off after I have grasped what is inspired. Sometimes the Angel comes in the form of a man and talks to me and I grasp whatever he says." 'Aisha added: Verily I saw the Prophet being inspired Divinely on a very cold day and noticed the Sweat dropping from his forehead (as the Inspiration was over).

Sahih Bukhari Volume 1, Book 1, Number 2: Narrated 'Aisha:

26. Al Harith bin Hisham asked the Prophet, "How does the divine inspiration come to you?" He replied, "In all these ways: The Angel sometimes comes to me with a voice which resembles the sound of a ringing bell, and when this state abandons me, I remember what the Angel has said, and this type of Divine Inspiration is the hardest on me; and sometimes the Angel comes to me in the shape of a man and talks to me, and I understand and remember what he says."

Sahih Bukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 438: Narrated Aisha:

There you have it, he was possessed by Satan!...or really mentally ill.